Rules for Being Human During ‘the Happening’

Phinley

There is no magic formula for how to be human and lead a fulfilling life, but there are certain rules that can help us make our way through ‘the Happening’. The rules for being human are not actually ancient Sanskrit rules, but a modern interpretation of Hindu philosophical teachings.

Rule 1: Your physical body is given to you for life

You may not like your body, but it is yours forever, so you must accept it as it is.

Rule 2: You will be taught endless lessons

No one knows all the secrets of life and the universe. Life is a constant learning experience, and every day is a new lesson. Being able to learn these lessons qualitatively is the key to gradually unlocking the secrets of life.

Rule 3: Treat your mistakes as lessons

Your growth and development is actually a series of mistakes, failures and missteps, so you must be prepared for them. Don’t get discouraged and take them as a given and inevitable. Or rather, as an invaluable lesson…many lessons. Laugh at your own failures and gain experience.

Rule 4: The lesson will be repeated until you learn it

Life lessons are repeated many times until you learn them. Obstacles will reappear again and again unless you learn from your actions. Recognize that you are not a victim of circumstance, and that everything that happens to you is your own doing. Blaming others for your own mistakes is denial. You alone are responsible for your actions.

Rule 5: The learning process never ends

Don’t be fooled: you will never stop learning as long as you live. There is no magic key to happiness, so instead of criticizing yourself and losing confidence, learn to adapt and change. Accept your shortcomings and be flexible, otherwise you’ll get stuck in a relentless cycle of your mistakes.

Rule 6: Be grateful for what you have

Yes, the grass in your neighbor’s yard may be fresher and greener, but you should be grateful for what you have. Learn to appreciate your own tangible and intangible things instead of comparing them to what other people have. Live in the present, not the future or the past, and you will be at peace and in harmony with yourself.

Rule 7: Others are a reflection of yourself

Depending on what you love or hate about yourself, you similarly love or hate something in others. Learn to be tolerant and accept the difference of all people. Be objective. If you are not able to do this, you will not be able to cope with life.

Rule 8: Only you control your own destiny.

When you are born, you are given all the resources you need to be happy and successful. But how you use them is entirely up to you. Take responsibility for your choices and let go of what doesn’t go your way. Don’t let your anger and negativity in – they will “corrupt” your thinking. Humans are adventurous creatures, and we all have the power to change our lives for the better.

Rule 9: All the answers are within you.

If you want to succeed in life, learn to trust your intuition. Trust that inner voice always gives you the right clues, just be able to hear it and understand it correctly.

What is Creative Destruction?

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In this podcast, we table the big P’s of 2020: prevalent protests, politics and pandemics. #alliteration

First, we dive into creative destruction. What exactly is it?

Secondly, we see how creative destruction has and will impact life as we know it, specifically the education industry.

Finally, we touch base on what this means for parents, students and everyone else impacted by the pandemic moving forward. The episode is raw, has a few errors, and was recorded in one take.

Listening time: 25 minutes

Why Curiosity Matters, Why We Lose It And How To Get It Back

Phinley

We all are born with curiosity.

Children ask why, how and when, among many other questions. However, as we grow, we shift from curious learning to knowing and, as an adult, we can reach a learning plateau. We feel good to get to a point of understanding and knowledge but begin to lose our curiosity. We find it easier to live as the expert who knows than the student who grows. Sure, sometimes we are forced to learn, but often the intentional work to dig in and stretch our perspectives and reach new depths of learning can slow as we tip from curiosity to knowing.

As the world shifts into Industry 4.0, curiosity and learning are essential. The speed of change creates constant innovations, thereby requiring the ability to learn and adapt. The person who knows and tells but lacks the humility to be curious, learn and grow will find themselves irrelevant and lacking critical skills and perspectives needed to thrive in the modern era.

To renew and develop your curiosity, let’s consider what shuts down curiosity, the benefits of curiosity and how to cultivate curiosity.

Curiosity Shutdowns

Two of the biggest factors in curiosity shutdowns are thinking we know everything already and having an unchecked ego.

Knowing

Curiosity is shut down when we think we know all the answers and need to be the expert. Instead of fostering a culture of curiosity, we foster competition to be experts. When we know, the learning is done.

Are you shutting down curiosity in yourself and those around you? Reflect on these questions:

• Would I rather mentor/teach or be the student?

• Do I fight to interrupt? Feel the need to correct information? Or simply wait to interject my knowledge into a conversation?

• Do I need to be right and struggle when made to feel wrong?

• Do I feel like I must be competent and know how to add value or be a useful contributor?

• Do I struggle when I do not know something (i.e., feel stupid, incompetent, etc.)?

• Do I focus more on what is going on for me than being curious about what others are thinking or experiencing?

• Do I have a genuine desire to learn from others and understand their perspective and worldview?

• Do I silently judge those who “don’t know”?

• Do I withhold information to be “the one who knows” while others struggle to learn or discover?

Ego

The ego wants to know, be competent and safe. We find safety when we know and have a level of power from knowing. Not knowing can make us feel vulnerable or small. This is what makes curiosity hard. Our ego is not curious. To become more curious, we must become aware of our ego and how it shuts down curiosity. Here are a few ways to overcome ego:

• See others as a mirror who have a new or different perspective to learn from.

• Be open to what you do not know. Enjoy asking questions to understand how others see the world.

• Create a safe space to be curious and ask any question. In this space, there are no bad questions and no need to be perfect.

• Be humble and acknowledge the brilliance of others. Seek to learn from them.

Benefits Of Curiosity

Rebuilding your curiosity and a culture of curiosity is difficult but worth it. Here are some benefits:

• An environment where curiosity is encouraged and allowed is a playground for creating new things, discovering new solutions and uncovering different and possibly better ways to do things. It gives people permission to fail and to learn when things don’t work out.

• Places where people feel unleashed to try things and be themselves are highly attractive. People feel happier and freer knowing they are not going to get in trouble for taking a risk. A space of freedom, joy, laughter and excitement attracts others who are also creative to the playground.

• When the brain can be curious and explore different ideas and avenues, it begins to make new connections. We see things that we did not see before. It has a snowball effect on brainstorming and expands our ideas.

Creating Curiosity

So, how do we cultivate more curiosity in ourselves and others? It starts with you and will flow to others. Here are a few practical ideas:

• Observe. Watch an animal explore their surroundings and you’ll see how they patiently sit and observe. Curiosity requires stillness and slowness, too. Use your senses to smell, touch, taste, etc. Move up close. Don’t try to observe everything from one spot or one perspective. Take time to be present in the environment. Curiosity requires study and wonder.

• Ask questions. Notice how many questions you ask versus how many you answer. Challenge yourself to ask two or three questions before sharing your thoughts. Take time to understand a few layers deeper and check assumptions before responding.

• Expand your sources. Make a habit of talking to others with different beliefs or listening to perspectives different than our own. It helps to generate natural questions and expand your understanding of different perspectives and thoughts. Recognize your biases and assumptions so that you can operate in an expansive open space rather than through a closed and narrow view of the world.

• Try something new. When we intentionally change things, it causes us to be more conscious of what we are doing. It leads us to ask questions like, “Is this the best approach?” It can be as simple as taking a different route to work or asking your direct report how they would solve a problem before offering up a solution. Change allows for the discovery of things you may have missed.

Have fun taking up childhood curiosity once again; relearn and rediscover the amazing world all around you.

Learn or die! It’s up to you.

Source Article here. 

The Dimensions of Curiosity

Phinley

Psychologists have compiled a large body of research on the many benefits of curiosity. It enhances intelligence: In one study, highly curious children aged three to 11 improved their intelligence test scores by 12 points more than their least-curious counterparts did. It increases perseverance, or grit: Merely describing a day when you felt curious has been shown to boost mental and physical energy by 20% more than recounting a time of profound happiness. And curiosity propels us toward deeper engagement, superior performance, and more-meaningful goals: Psychology students who felt more curious than others during their first class enjoyed lectures more, got higher final grades, and subsequently enrolled in more courses in the discipline.

How Are You Curious?

Use this scale to indicate the degree to which the following statements describe you: 1. Does not describe me at all. 2. …

But another stream of research on curiosity is equally important, in our view. Since the 1950s psychologists have offered competing theories about what makes one person more curious than another. Rather than regard curiosity as a single trait, we can now break it down into five distinct dimensions. Instead of asking, “How curious are you?” we can ask, “How are you curious?”

A Brief History

In the 1950s Daniel Berlyne was one of the first psychologists to offer a comprehensive model of curiosity. He argued that we all seek the sweet spot between two deeply uncomfortable states: understimulation (coping with tasks, people, or situations that lack sufficient novelty, complexity, uncertainty, or conflict) and overstimulation. To that end we use either what Berlyne called “diversive curiosity” (as when a bored person searches for something—anything—to boost arousal) or what he called “specific curiosity” (as when a hyperstimulated person tries to understand what’s happening in order to reduce arousal to a more manageable level).

Building on Berlyne’s insights, in 1994 George Loewenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, proposed the “information gap” theory. He posited that people become curious upon realizing that they lack desired knowledge; this creates an aversive feeling of uncertainty, which compels them to uncover the missing information.

But these theories, focused on our inherent desire to reduce tension, don’t explain other expressions of curiosity: tourists strolling through a museum, entrepreneurs poring over feedback from beta testing, people engrossed in a book. The University of Rochester’s Edward Deci addressed those in the 1970s, arguing that curiosity also reflects our intrinsic motivation “to seek out novelty and challenges, to extend and exercise one’s capacities, to explore, and to learn.” We use it not just to avoid discomfort but to generate positive experiences.

In another body of work, the University of Delaware psychologist Marvin Zuckerman spent five decades (from the 1960s to the 2000s) studying sensation seeking, or the willingness to take risks to acquire varied, novel, and intense experiences. And in 2006 the psychologist Britta Renner, of the University of Konstanz, initiated the study of social curiosity, or people’s interest in how other individuals think, feel, and behave.

The Five-Dimensional Model

Synthesizing this and other important research, and in conjunction with our George Mason colleague Patrick McKnight, we created a five-dimensional model of curiosity. The first dimension, derived from Berlyne and Loewenstein’s work, is deprivation sensitivity—recognizing a gap in knowledge the filling of which offers relief. This type of curiosity doesn’t necessarily feel good, but people who experience it work relentlessly to solve problems.

The second dimension, influenced by Deci’s research, is joyous exploration—being consumed with wonder about the fascinating features of the world. This is a pleasurable state; people in it seem to possess a joie de vivre.

The third dimension, stemming from Renner’s research, is social curiosity—talking, listening, and observing others to learn what they are thinking and doing. Human beings are inherently social animals, and the most effective and efficient way to determine whether someone is friend or foe is to gain information. Some may even snoop, eavesdrop, or gossip to do so.

The fourth dimension, which builds on recent work by Paul Silvia, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, is stress tolerance—a willingness to accept and even harness the anxiety associated with novelty. People lacking this ability see information gaps, experience wonder, and are interested in others but are unlikely to step forward and explore.

The fifth dimension, inspired by Zuckerman, is thrill seeking—being willing to take physical, social, and financial risks to acquire varied, complex, and intense experiences. For people with this capacity, the anxiety of confronting novelty is something to be amplified, not reduced.

We have been testing this model in several ways. With Time Inc. we conducted surveys across the United States to discover which of the dimensions lead to the best outcomes and generate particular benefits. For instance, joyous exploration has the strongest link with the experience of intense positive emotions. Stress tolerance has the strongest link with satisfying the need to f0000eel competent, autonomous, and that one belongs. Social curiosity has the strongest link with being a kind, generous, modest person.

With Merck KGaA we have explored attitudes toward and expressions of work-related curiosity. In a survey of 3,000 workers in China, Germany, and the United States, we found that 84% believe that curiosity catalyzes new ideas, 74% think it inspires unique, valuable talents, and 63% think it helps one get promoted. In other studies across diverse units and geographies, we have found evidence that four of the dimensions—joyous exploration, deprivation sensitivity, stress tolerance, and social curiosity—improve work outcomes. The latter two seem to be particularly important: Without the ability to tolerate stress, employees are less likely to seek challenges and resources and to voice dissent and are more likely to feel enervated and to disengage. And socially curious employees are better than others at resolving conflicts with colleagues, more likely to receive social support, and more effective at building connections, trust, and commitment on their teams. People or groups high in both dimensions are more innovative and creative.

A monolithic view of curiosity is insufficient to understand how that quality drives success and fulfillment in work and life. To discover and leverage talent and to form groups that are greater than the sum of their parts, a more nuanced approach is needed.

A version of this article appeared in the September–October 2018 issue (pp.58–60) of Harvard Business Review.